🐄 What Happens When You’re Not a Nasty Cow: The Cost of Being “Nice”

There’s this unspoken rule women are taught early on:
Be nice. Be polite. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t be difficult.

And for a while, many of us try.
We try so hard it almost kills us.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth nobody likes to admit:

When you’re not a “nasty cow,” the world stops seeing you as a person — and starts seeing you as a resource.
A convenience.
A service.
A thing to take from.

Let’s talk about what actually happens when women shrink themselves to keep everyone else comfortable.

1. People Assume You Have No Boundaries — So They Don’t Respect Any

When you’ve been trained to be “nice,” your reward is usually:

• extra emotional labour

• extra responsibility

• extra apologising

• extra tolerance for bad behaviour

And somehow, you’re expected to do all of that with a smile.

Being agreeable becomes a trap.
A trap that others rely on to make their lives easier — at your expense.

Because if you don’t push back, they assume you won’t.

2. Your Time Becomes Optional — Everyone Else’s Becomes Sacred

Ever notice how quickly people respect your time once you start respecting it yourself?

Before that, though?
When you’re not a “nasty cow”?

Your time magically becomes:

• interruptible

• rearrangeable

• disposable

• endlessly available

Suddenly you’re the person they call when they need something last-minute.
The person expected to stay late, show up early, do the thing no one else wants to do.

You’re the default helper.
Not because you agreed — but because you didn’t fight.

3. Saying Nothing Becomes Permission

Here’s the thing we’re not taught:
Silence is consent in the eyes of opportunists.

They don’t think:
“Oh, she’s being polite.”

They think:
“She’s fine with this. I can keep going.”

Not saying “no” becomes the same as saying “yes” — even when your whole body is screaming otherwise.

That's how people take advantage.
Not always intentionally — but effectively.

4. You Get Blamed for the Very Behaviour You Enabled by Trying to Be “Nice”

My favourite part (by “favourite,” I mean the part that makes me want to flip a table):

The moment you finally speak up — after months or years of swallowing your feelings — suddenly you’re:

• dramatic

• overreacting

• sensitive

• unreasonable

• “not like you normally are”

That’s because people get addicted to the version of you that doesn’t challenge them.

Politeness becomes your prison.
And the key to escape?
Being a “nasty cow.”

5. When You Start Setting Boundaries, People Show You Who They Really Are

The second you push back, you learn the truth:

• Healthy people adjust.

• Opportunistic people get angry.

• Manipulative people guilt-trip you.

• Fragile egos crumble.

• Users disappear.

And honestly?
Let them.

If someone only liked you when you had no boundaries, they didn’t like you.
They liked the access.

Sometimes being called a “nasty cow” is the first sign you’ve finally stopped burning yourself alive to keep others warm.

6. Being “Nice” Is Costly — Being a “Nasty Cow” Is Freedom

Being nice cost me:

• energy

• boundaries

• self-worth

• time

• relationships

• safety

• voice

Being a “nasty cow” has given me:

• confidence

• respect

• clarity

• peace

• autonomy

• a spine

• a brand

• a community

Politeness won’t protect you.
Boundaries will.

And if that makes someone uncomfortable?
Good.
You’re no longer the version of yourself they can take advantage of.

You Don't Have to Be “Nice” to Be Good

“I don’t want to cause trouble.”
“I don’t want to upset anyone.”
“I don’t want to seem rude.”

These are the phrases that keep women small.

Here’s the truth instead:
You can be kind and have boundaries.
You can be generous and demand respect.
You can be warm and be a ‘nasty cow’ when you need to be.

And if someone can’t handle that?
They can moo-ve along.